Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
