I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize