Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its liver damage thursday
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
