I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
