I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
