I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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