I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
