can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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