I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
