Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
