Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
