Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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