chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
