He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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