i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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