the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
