The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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