I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
