Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
