i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
