the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
