So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
