Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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