Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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