so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
