Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
did i walk over a car last night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
