I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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