and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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