hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We just shotgunned beers for America
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
