My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
