He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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