When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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