you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was so not down for the gang bang
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize