I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
