Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yo dont text me then not text me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it glows. i had to have it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
