operation harelip BJ is a go
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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