that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sarcasm needs its own font
pop tarts are not kleenex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
