You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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