somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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