I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
