The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
