There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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