This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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