absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
