pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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