youre lurking in front of me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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