Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
