DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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