kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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