I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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