WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
