I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
