Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Panties = found
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
