So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
