i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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