Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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