I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I bet he comes in French.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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