how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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