Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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