Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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