Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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