it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
