Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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