Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
