He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize