my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I looked at my own cervix.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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